it was 1978 ?
i was 27
what i am going to describe is complete awakening, total enlightenment and liberation..
i was sitting on the floor at a table in my living room writing an essay for a community college english class.
the title of the essay was *all i want to do is to find God*. this had been my quest for many years already.
as i wrote the the last words *love serve remember* which is a quote from the *be here now* book by ram dass
an energy began to move within my physical body, a huge burst of energy. i can only describe the feeling
as being made of liquid light and love.
i was in the lotus position, my spine was very straight and it, the kundilini, started from the bottom
it went up and down more then few times and then shot out the top of my head lighting up the room with a heavenly glow. i jumped up. it was the most beautiful feeling experience i had ever had.. it was the full kundilini experience. all the chakras had been pierced..
i had the thought maybe god did love me and i was moved to go out onto my balcony and as i looked into the night sky a cloud in the form of cupid was running across the field holding a huge heart. (ya. it sounds kinda corny)
(a few weeks before. i think i might have gone through the *dark night of the soul*.
i felt extremely separated from god and thought He didnt love me. it was a very cold and heartless experience.)
anyway
after a few minutes when i started to calm down (i had been in a heightened awareness) i went to lie down to meditate, not necessarily thinking anything more would happen, i closed my eyes and then...
i'm looking down at my material body laying on the bed and my astral body was floating on the ceiling.
lol . i got so scared that i immediately plopped back down.
i was unable to move.at this point and a desire to go deeper was felt so i said to myself..neti neti...(which means not this not this *this is not enlightenment*) and in the next experience i found a part of myself, my consciousness or awareness was way up in the dark skies around the moon that looked like a blue pearl.. .
it seems i had gone *through* my third eye and my consciousness/awareness saw all the the chakras rotating one by one until it reached seeing the thousand petalled lotus, looking like a mandala made of petals of brilliant light
and then as best as i can remember
i was visiting with my deceased mother and aunt , in a dreamlike setting, around the old kitchen table. they wanted me to "come over* to the other side. i declined and apologized for my bad behaviors from the past and then moved on to what seemed like my life of 28 years *flashed* before me.
i also had remembered some scary past life experiences, and then i had a vision of the future world destruction,
and i was there to help the world, like a bodhisatvaa. it seems i was in my subconscious mind.
i saw a very scary looking being! it could have been me or my guru or maybe isvara?
and then, next, there was the void. this i call nirvana..the nothing...
consciousness/awareness was seeing.... like no one seeing nothing...
no this was not it. this was not the final enlightenment..i knew that and did neti neti again.
and then, as my guru calls it.. *the Supreme Energy* .
Self/Atman/I principle the Original Face
appeared to fill that void.
thats all there was. i alone existed. just pure being, eternal, genderless, boundryless colorless clear light.energy..I filled up all of the beyond!
The Absolute.
(this is what i mean when i say that you have to go beyond the body/mind space/time/causation complexs. beyond the waking, dreaming and deep sleep states into the forth plane/turiya/kaivalya of the Self/Atman/I principle...) this is transcending.
sometime during all that i was pleading to get back to my baby daughter, i didnt want to die which alot of the time i felt/thought was happening. my eyes opened and i was back..
from the time my kundilini awakened till the Self/Atman/I principle appeared probably was less then an hour..
i was stunned!
seriously, in 1978, there werent many awakened being around. it was awkward. to say the least.